Things I Know About Boys – Toilets

This is the first post in my series on Things I Know About Boys.

In Australia, the toilet is known as many things.  Dunny, loo, thunderbox to name but a few.  In our house it’s loo.

For some reason which completely defeats me, my youngest boy Bruce will hold on until the very last minute before tearing off yelling, “I’m just going to the loo!”.  Prior to that however, I have noticed the signs.  The inability to sit still, jigging around and clutching his shorts.

I say “Do you need to go to the toilet?”.

He says “No”.

<repeat this several times over the course of approximately 15 minutes with a few variations, such as “Are you sure you don’t need to go to the loo?”>

Eventually he will tear off down to the loo in a funny run, taking 2 little steps for each normal step as if that’s going to stop him from needing to go.

Once in there, the boys disappear for ages.  Squidge, oblivious to the odours, will sit, playing games using his hands for exploding ships, guns or Transformers and making sounds of explosions, gun fire, and people arguing.

Bruce on the other  hand is a more social creature and would appreciate visitors when he’s on the loo.  That’s why, I presume, he yells out to us from in there, starting conversations or asking questions that are so left field I wonder how they popped in to his brain.  At first I’m usually sucked in to it and I yell back answers until eventually I crack and call out “Stop yelling at me from the loo, finish, come out and then we can talk!”.  At the top of my lungs of course.

Loo conversations don’t seem to happen at any other time though.  They are unique.  A time when they get to just sit and think with no toys or distractions (we eschew the magazine in the toilet at our house).

Interestingly, both boys require almost a shoehorn to get them out of there which is frustrating when you’ve tried so long to get them to be in there in the first place.

Squidge has the bladder of a camel.  Perhaps, internally, he has a hump where he stores all the fluid.  He denies needing to go to the loo first thing in the morning and even now when we tell him firmly that he really must go he mutters “Why won’t you believe me?!”.  The reason why we don’t believe him comes when he does eventually empty that bladder.

In April 2009 we visited Perth Zoo and were really quite stunned when a rhino (see below – warning the image is rather graphic) reversed up to the viewing area and proceeded to do the longest wee known to man, or rhino, for that matter.  It went on for ages.  It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call it a torrent of wee (good on us for having the presence of mind to take a photo).

Weeing rhino, Perth Zoo

Squidge is the rhino of our family.  Especially first thing in the morning or immediately after school.  Once he’s been made to go of course.  Because we don’t believe him when he says he doesn’t need to go even after 10 hours sleep or a toilet-less day at school.

A much relieved rhino, Perth Zoo

So there you have it.  That’s what I know about boys and toilets.  At least what I can put down in a blog post anyway.  What about at your house?  And are girls in any way similar?


4 thoughts on “Things I Know About Boys – Toilets

  1. We haven’t reached the toilet training stage here yet so this is fascinating for me. I rather like the idea of the left field conversations from the loo! Sounds like something my little boy would do too. I have to admit that I can be similar at the moment in terms of staying on there for a long time – it’s sometimes the only way I can check my emails on my phone during the day!!!

    • Hehehe. I remember once hearing about the mother of a toddler who had accidentally locked herself in the loo and needed her toddler to use the phone to call for help. My initial thought was how on earth did she get away with even closing the door let alone locking it? But maybe she was hiding from her little one and it back-fired. At least you’d have the phone in there with you!

  2. This made me laugh so much! My little one (3.5 yrs is JUST like Bruce. He will spend an entire day denying that he needs to go and then after showing the same signs that you describe, and me asking the same questions that you do, I will see a little blur of light race past me and I’ll hear “I need to go to the toiiiiileeeeette!” Then the games, and funny voices and made up conversations with imaginary characters… much entertainement in there!

    • Thanks for reading the post – it’s nice to know someone else has a child who does this! Sorry I was slow to reply. Have been on a holiday with my family – more fodder for the blog!

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